You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
