once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
