Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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