just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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