and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize