he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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