is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
