farters have to be the big spoon...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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