Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
