And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
