Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
