guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
