Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
