sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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