i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize