I'm jealous of your bromance
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
