you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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