I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i think i just lost a toe
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