Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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