Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
