why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
