Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
