God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
In America we eat man semen.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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