hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
