oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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