I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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