Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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