On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
