I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
