the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
