walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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