Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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