Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
