Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
