ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
