she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
