He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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