the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
