Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
