I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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