I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
