I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
