My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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