I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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