peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize