can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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