I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
