OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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