That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
