hotel room ftw
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
