Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize