So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
