My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
