I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
