I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
