before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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