Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
