i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
