I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
