Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sorry about my life...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
