Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
