So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone came in the potted fern
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
