We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
