someone threw a dead crab at me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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