I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
