my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
pray to the hookup gods
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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