it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just googled if crying burns calories
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
