its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
