It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize